Farmboy Jed is in deep trouble with the Fairy Mafia. He’s in debt and his time’s up. Seconds before the Mafia’s retrievers carry out their sworn duty to banish the farmboy into the Haunted Forest, a yard gnome offers Jed a deal; he knows how the scrawny human can get his hands on a butt-load of gold.
“You rescue a Princess!”
And so Jed stalls for more time, intent on finding a Princess to save. Yet in a fairy-tale land, it’s not always easy to find some silly git getting herself kidnapped.
Will Jed find what he needs before the Fairy Mafia returns to take his soul?
The Gnome, The Farmboy, and The Rose
The yard gnome cackled loudly between Jed’s ears. Stupid git. Make a wish—come on—I can turn them all into stone.
The headline splashed across the evening edition of the Goblin Globe read, “Local Pauper to Wed Princess Penelope.” The onionskin newspaper lay in a sprawled, upside-down fan across the worn and termite ridden wooden floor of Farmboy Jed’s one-room shack. Jed could see this clearly from his present position—suspended upside down from his ceiling. His shirt no longer hung over his head and arms, as it had been just recently removed by one of the evening’s guests.
He preferred to look at the fortunes of other poor men because if he looked straight ahead, he’d see the floating feet of the Gotti trio, the city’s most notorious “debt retriever” gang of fairies.
“Whu-whu-whu-wait!” Jed cried out as the two gorgeous blondes with bobbing breasts (which looked a might gravity defying from Jed’s new point of view) spread his legs wide, exposing his most valuable assets.
Uncle Gotti’s tiny wings were nothing but a gray blur to Jed as the roundish, toot-brush mustached fairy moved to a better position so Jed could see him. “I’m afraid the time for mercy is over, dear Jed.” The fairy’s voice was soft, sweet, in a singsong cavity forming way. “With interest, and six false promises, I’m afraid your total owed has reached one-thousand gold pieces.”
The roar of blood whooshing past Jed’s ears deafened him for an instant. He took several deep breaths as he held up (or down, according to perspective) the index finger of his right hand. The Gottis had already taken the left one several months ago. “Uh—excuse me. But did you just say one-thousand?”
Uncle Gotti nodded. Jed could hear the tinkle of tiny annoying fairy bells.
“But my debt was only fifty!”
“Don’t forget our interest. Oh—” Uncle Gotti glanced away from Jed. He could only imagine the brutish fairy had looked at his nieces. “You should never have professed your ability to find the shard of some great deity with promises that it would redeem your debt. Oh really Jed—and that ridiculous claim that the Elves over in Glenwood Glade held a secret talisman capable of granting magic.” He chuckled and held onto the straining belt about his middle. “‘Twas the Prince who found the treasures, and you—Farmboy Jed—brought back the ridiculous statue of a gnome?”
There were several snorts and a bullhorn laugh. If there was one thing Jed had learned during his brief (very brief) dalliance with a Gotti daughter, it was that beauty truly did run skin deep. Matilda and Mattie—the two buxom blondes who now traced their razor sharp nails up and down his exposed chest and moving ever closer to his jewels—had voices like grinding metal, and sharp, Trenton New Jersey accents to boot. And their laughter—